ALLISTOR KIRKLANDUser Guide and Manual
by DreamFighterInfinite
Summary: A young girl named Mary Overbee, struck with luck at the adoption to a rich family, has finally had her dreams come true. She now owns the world's only Allistor Kirkland- Hetalia Representation of Scotland
1. Chapter 1

((A/N: I was reading some fanfiction on Quizazz!, and I saw... A GUIDE FOR AN ALLISTOR KIRKLAND.  
... Oh, god yes. I'll link you, Kay~~? Now... I choose to ignore the OC, and think of Saemus. X"D Don't shoot me. =3=;; But, I decided... Let's do this! I'm gonna open my Scot-bot! :"DDDD ./1321058/ALLISTOR-KIRKLAND-User-Guide-and-Manual/1/ ))

Çhåptër Øñé: Ręčīëvîñg

I bit my lip, shuffling awkwardly around the large box in my living room.

Ever since I've come to this house, my foster parents have showered me with goodwill and presents. I'm eighteen, and I was adopted around age fourteen. They had sat me down and discussed my interests, and, upon the subject of anime, I almost glowed when I told them about the limited edition androids. Then, I spieled on how awesome Scotland was. It gradually came to this day. They had gotten me one, and saved it until my eighteenth birthday. I tried not I explode at how long they'd waited.

I had spent a few hours researching Nessie, reading through the instruction manual, and twiddling my thumbs. I even took a shower and blow-dried my hair. Heck, my nails were even painted.

I took a deep breath as I inched closer, gnawing on my lip, breath shuddering. I gazed back at the camera on my kitchen table, just to make sure it was recording.

I was the ONLY owner of a Scotland android in the world. I was the only one interested in it. My "parents" we're able to get it without a problem, unlike the Prussia and England models. They were hella-rich, too, which surprised me. My new home was humble, really. I had two extra rooms.

I shook my head. It didn't matter-I owned a Scotland, now. I smiled a bit, exhaling sheepishly as I watched the box.

The Scottish flag- along with the Royal one- was plastered on the box. I had a flag in one of the extra rooms for him, too. His clothes were already there, and I knew he'd be wearing his uniform when he came out.

I had hidden the gun, and the journal and bagpipes were packed away in his closet. I even researched Scotland's name, and found the family kilt pattern. I had a few kilts away for him. (I know he'll like that.)

My breath shuddered out again as I sat next to the box, legs crossed and hands in my lap. A few small latches were on the side of the box, and they were pretty tight on there. With a small nod, I leaned closer to the box, tapping one of my father's cigars on the lid.

"F..." I started, gulping a bit. "Fancy a smoke, sir?"

Silence followed for a few seconds, until I heard a strange voice ring out.

"...Aye," it said. The voice was low, but had a small purr to it. It was clearly Scottish (duh.). My face flushed red, and I smiled a bit, still incredibly nervous.

"Sh...Shall I..."

I shook my head, merely leaning down and unlatching the box quickly.

"Here, let yourself out, if you want..." I smiled, cigar and matches in hand.

After a few seconds, the top slowly came up, and a mess of fiery-red hair showed itself.

The man I saw was pale, and he had beautiful red hair. His eyes were piercingly green, and they made his hair just that more vibrant. Or was it his hair made his eyes mo... Nevermind.

Either way, my face grew red and I almost fell back, stricken by how.. HANDSOME he was. His eyes, however, went to the cigar in my hands. He smirked a bit, reaching out and taking it, matches, too.

"Thank'ye, lassie..." he muttered, cigar in mouth already.

I watched up at him, still bemused by him. This android... It was so realistic. My face was hot, and I smiled a bit wider.

"Uhm..." I started, watching him light the cigar.

"I... I'm sorry my parents... Waited so long..."

He shrugged, taking a drag and looking down at me, legs now slung over the side of his crate.

"Doesn' ma'er, lass," he smiled, making my face ignite.

"I've a smoke, now, so I ain't complainin'."

I nodded a bit too rapidly, sitting on my knees. I was grinning stupidly, I'm sure, but I just sat there, patient to learn more.

"...Y-Y...You're name's Allistor..." I bit my lip, relaxing a bit. "Allistor Kirkland, right...?"

He sighed a bit, exhaling a cloud of smoke.

"Y'can reprogram me, lass. I ain't gonna mess with ye."

I laughed sheepishly, making my way around him. I used my pocketknife to open a small panel in his upper arm, setting a short, four-number code in, then starting to select changes.

"Sorry... I didn't know how you'd react..."

He chuckled, chest shaking heartily, exhaling more smoke.

"I's fine... I know ye go' ta," he smirked, taking a drag off of the cigar.

I nodded a bit, taking my time to program him, carefully selecting some options. I would make Allistor a heavy sleeper, because I stayed up rather late. He could be profane because I wouldn't mind. Violence would have to be toned down. Sensitivity a bit up; I didn't want him to hate everyone-that's a terrible way to... "live." And, I didn't plan on turning his smoking and drinking off. Heck no.

He gazed over at me as I worked on. His eyes seemed to scan over me as I turned the "lusty" option down, and his eyes faded a bit.

"Aww..." he whined. "Yer no fun, lass..."

I laughed a bit, looking up at him.

"Well, we wouldn't want you molesting my neighbors..."

He smirked, holding the cigar away from his mouth, smoke dispelling into the air.

"I wouldn't do tha'," he chuckled. "Not molest, a'least..."

I rolled my eyes, making sure that his default settings remained. Charming, Laid-Back, and (lesigh) Short-Tempered.

I closed the panel on his arm, scooting in front of him again. I traced my eyes up and down him again, glowing with happiness. Tears almost came to my eyes as I grinned, almost shaking with excited. He looked so real... It was incredible.

"'Ey..." he said, cutting through my silent glee.

"... Ye checkin' me out?"

I could ALMOST hear a record scratch. My expression changed from absolutely gleaming into TOMATO.

"...should I turn the lust option down again?"

He laughed, ashes falling off of his cigar and onto the floor.

"Ah...~" he crooned, collecting himself after a while. "I like ye, lass. Ye seem nice already."

Allistor took another drag on his cigar, smirking down at me. My smile returned, and I crossed my arms.

"I 'ave a name, lad," I mused, mimicking his accent. He smirked wider, taking his cigar out of his mouth, smoke blowing around me.

"Wha' is it, lass...~?"

I tried not to cough, but did anyways, as I smiled up at him.

"M'name's Mary. Mary Overbee."

He blinked a bit as he saw my reaction to his exhale, and, reluctantly, moved his cigar aside, still smirking.

"Mary Overbee..." he purred, my face flushing darker. "Nice name. 'm Allistor Iain Kirkland."

I smiled.

"Mary Eloise Overbee."

He smirked, patting my head, cigar stuck in his mouth again.

"Thank'ye, Miss Overbee."

I blushed, looking up at him. I blinked a bit, giving him a small smile.

"...thank me..? For what...?"

Allistor just smirked, cigar smoking. His eyes gave a small sparkle, and he laughed.

"Fer the cigar, lass!" he chuckled.

I pouted a bit, still blushing.

"No need to laugh..." I mumbled.

He continued laughing, much to my disdain, as I crossed my arms. I sighed and stood up after a while, walking into the kitchen.

"Where're ye goin', lass?"

I rolled my eyes and turned back to Allistor, camera in hand.

"Just getting this," I replied, directing the camera at him. "Relax."

He tilted his head and looked at the camera. One of his large, red eyebrows tilted upwards, and he gave me a quizzical expression.

"Ye video-d me gettin' out of the box?" he blinked, voice slightly suspicious.

I blushed, still aiming the camera at him.

"W-Well... Yeah. I want to keep this memory until I die...!"

I chuckled a bit, slowly walking back over to him. He smiled up at me, sitting straight, as his ego was most likely stroked. I reached a hand down to help him up, and he took it gratefully. I smiled widely as he walked around, finding an ashtray and putting the cigar out.

I was still beaming when he came back, absolutely enthralled in the way he walked. He had his own special gait, and I couldn't hear any gears or beeping! It was... Human! He smirked, one arm slinging over my shoulders.

"I saw ye didn' take well to me smoke, lassie," he laughed. "I can catch a hint."

My face dusted with pink, and I chuckled.

"Ah... I'm sorry... My, uh..." I started, but shook my head. Maybe Allistor could learn about me some other time. "Here, wanna see your room?"

Allistor smiled down at me, much more welcoming without the cigar. He nodded a bit, taking his arm off of me and letting me roll my shoulders. I walked down the hall, feeling his footsteps behind mine.

It was so amazing. When... When he put his arm around me, it didn't feel cold and metallic. Or rock-hard. It felt... Warm. And... And... Arm-ish?

I turned to his room, opening the door and standing beside it to let Allistor in.

He entered swiftly, looking around. I knew it wasn't much, but it'd have to do for him. I looked around myself, moving the camera around to catch his reactions, and to get the gist of the room.

The room had cream-colored walls, and a hard, wooden slat floor. There were blue curtains hanging over lacy, thin ones, an the windows had blinds, too. There was a bed in the top right corner of the room, and it had blue sheets, and pillows I specially sewed to have the Scottish flag on them. Beside the bed, there was a small table, and on it was a lamp, a few books (including a bible), and a telephone. The closet on the other side of the room held all his clothing, and there was also a dresser across from the bed. The dresser had three drawers, and was stained brown. A small television sat on top of it, and the remote was next to it. In the corner next to the dresser, there was a two-tier table with small statuettes and a single, pink-flowered plant. A few pictures, a mirror, and a clock hung on the walls, and just in the right places, too.

I blushed as Allistor walked over to the bed, picking up one of my special pillows and chuckling heftily. He lifted it up higher, showing me it, grinning widely.

"Well, where ye ge' this?" he laughed.

My face flushed darker, and I looked at my feet, now standing in the doorway. I stammered, trying to fish out a reply without making myself sound like an stuck-up snob.

"W-W-Well... I, uh... Made them..."

I smiled a bit, but only when Allistor did. His face was bright and amused, and he grinned at me when he sat the pillow down.

"'S really nice!" he chirped. "Thank'ye, Mary!"

I shrugged a bit, shyly walking over to the dresser and setting the camera down. I grinned widely, walking next to him as he sat on the bed, looking up. I sat next to him, crossing my legs and pulling them onto the bed.

"...Uhm... Is it okay if I could establish some rules...?" I muttered, biting my lip.

He looked down at me, blinking. Then, he shrugged, laying back one bed.

"Sure."

I smiled, watching him.

"Thanks," I grinned, crossing my arms.

"First of all, smoking is absolutely fine with me. Just keep it to where I can breathe a bit."

Allistor nodded, surely remembering my experience from before. I nodded back, sitting up straighter to make myself seem even higher. He just rolled his eyes.

"Second, I don't want you to come home every night smashed. So, wait until I turn of age. Then, we can go to bars, get drunk, all that stuff. My dad stores alcohol in our basement, though, and you a drink from there occasionally."

He smirked, not bothering to interrupt and lecture me on why I shouldn't drink. Ever. Allistor gave me a shrugging nod, and urged me to continue.

"Third," I said, voice more solemn. "You better not scare my parents or make them angry. They'll..."

I shrugged a bit, pretending to slice my finger across my neck to give him a hint. He nodded again. I smiled again, crossing my arms.

"Last rule... I will NOT stand for making fun of me. You do it where it is absolutely unbearable and altogether rude, and I will kill you."

Allistor blinked, then nodded slowly.

"... Alright," he stated calmly.

I nodded a bit, uncrossing my arms and curling my legs to my chest. I wrapped my arms around them lazily, and just looked down at him.

"..."

He watched back at me, blinking a few times before sitting up again.

"... Hey. Yer hair... 's same color as my hair," he said, combing his fingers through his hair.

I gave a small smile, playing with a piece of my hair.

"Yeah... But, it's dyed," I replied. "I just love red hair, so... Oh, and my friend does, too..."

He smiled, and I blushed, realizing that I just revealed my red-hair fetish.

"Then, what's yer original hair colo'?"

I sighed, reaching up and spreading my hair for him to look. I winced a bit, frowning.

"You can see it on my roots; it's a dark brown."

He raised an eyebrow, tracing one finger down my scalp.

"Ah... I see," he said, a low purr to his voice.

I blushed red, the warmth from his finger spreading to my scalp. I was still amazed at that- how did the creators make it that way?

We both stayed quiet for a moment before he leaned back, retracting his hand and smiling.

"What are ye, Mary?" he asked, leaning towards me.

I blinked, tilting my head and giving him a confused expression.

"What am I...?"

He rolled his eyes, scoffing a bit.

"Ethnic-wise, lassie. What are ye?"

I grinned, nodding a bit. I muttered a small apology, then laid my legs into a normal sitting position as I illustrated a small circle on the bed.

"Y'see... I'm one-fourth German," I said, showing him in my circle. "I'm also one-fourth Thai, and one-eighth native American."

I paused, blushing a bit as I looked up at him, seeing his eyes glued to mine in deep interest.

"...what's the rest?" he said plainly, blinking once.

I smiled wider, face red as I muttered.

"The rest is Scott-Irish..."

Allistor grinned, laughing a bit, and putting his hands in his laps lazily.

"I thought ye' last name was familiar!" he smirked, leaning a bit closer.

I leaned back a bit, biting my lip a bit.

"Oh... Thank you... I kept my name, even though..." I mumbled, smiling a bit.

Allistor blinked, tilting his head.

"Hmm...? Even though...'?"

I nodded, sitting normally, looking up at him.

"My parents adopted me when I was fourteen. My last name... I don't even know..." I looked away, cringing a bit when I heard how depressed my voice sounded.

Allistor blinked, patting my shoulder. He grinned, laughing a bit.

"Who cares? Ye go' a good life here, hmm?"

I looked up at him, blinking a bit before laughing. I nodded happily, grinning from ear to ear. It was hard to believe he was a robot. He seemed to actually have emotions. Allistor rubbed my shoulder a bit before leaning back, hand returning to his lap.

"Well... What now? 'm unpacked, 've seen me room..."

I nodded, slipping off of the bed and standing up. I dusted my clothes off playfully, chuckling a bit to myself.

"Well... I sorta need to go shopping..." I mumbled, looking away. "I didn't get you any undergarments, and there're a few things I need, as well..."

Allistor nodded a bit, leaning over to look up at me.

"Will ye need help? I'll come," he smiled, slipping of the bed, too.

I smiled back, blushing a bit.

"Sure...! I can drive, and... I, personally, don't trust you yet." I laughed, walking out of the room. "C'mon... Just let me get ready, and we'll go."

((A/N: :"DDD WHY DO I LOVE IT SO MUCH? I DON'T KNOW.  
I DON'T.  
KNOW.))


	2. Chapter 2

(( OmigoshIamhavingsomuchfun. I was so shocked and surprised that within a few hours of me uploading this fanfic, three people added me and/or my story to their subscriptions. Thank you all do much- I LIVE TO PLEASE. I'll try my hardest to make this fanfiction worth your time, and not to make myself a Mary-Sue. C": And...  
Last chapter, the place where I said:

" 'My parents adopted me when I was fourteen. My last name... I don't even know...' I looked away, cringing a bit when I heard how depressed my voice sounded. "

I'm hoping you didn't read that as "MARY DOESN'T KNOW HER REAL LAST NAME" but, rather, "My last name. Yeah. Why did I keep it-I don't even."

Oh. Okay, I forgot last time. ^w ^;;  
Here: ))

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia-Axis Powers, nor do I claim any affiliation in the creation of characters. Hidekaz Himaruya is the creater. Mary Overbee is mine, and she is my character. Overbee is not my last name, it belongs to my grandmother. It's her maiden name. Pixiv!Scotland does not belong to me either.

((ENJOY~~~! 3 ))

Çhåptër Twø: Šmīłîñg

I emerged from my room, wearing the same clothes from before (jean shorts and a green polo). The only difference was I had put on my favorite necklace, a pair of white sneakers, and a yellow headband. I smiled up at Allistor as I saw him leaning patiently in the hall. I turned away, gesturing for him to follow me.

Allistor smirked, standing up straight from the wall, putting his hands in his pockets as he sauntered close behind me.

"Yellow and green," he mused, a small purr to his voice. "A nice color complemen' to yer hair, lassie."

I rolled my eyes a bit, blushing slightly as I went through the living room. He hurried in front of me though, leaving me with the stupidest expression as he opened the door. Allistor held the door open, smirking down at me, one hand still in his pocket.

"Come on," he chuckled. "I can be a gentleman when I try, Mary."

I blushed, scoffing a bit as I walked past him, arms crossed, looking at the floor. Allistor frowned, walking out behind me, hands still in his pockets.

"'Ey..." he pouted, watching as I unlocked my car. "Nae need t' scoff... And, wha's with the sudden silence?"

I shrugged a bit, looking up at him, opening the door to my silver Hyundai.

"Uhm... I dunno..." I mumbled, slipping it.

Allistor sighed, moving across the car to the passenger's seat. Buckling myself in, I looked over at him. He was looking through my CD holder, smirking widely.

"...Panic! At th' Disco... 3Oh!3 ... Muse..." he muttered, flipping through the CDs, reading off the artists. "...hmm...? Flogging Molly..? Dropkick Murphy's...?"

I blushed as he turned to me, a half-cocky, half-questioning grin on his face. Stuttering, I tried to respond.

"...w-well... My mum likes them, and... I started listening..." I mumbled, turning away, face beet-red.

Allistor chuckled (handsomely), pulling out one of the Panic! at the Disco CDs.

"'s alright, I like both of 'em. I know be'er groups, though." he smiled. "Ye like the popular-slash-stereotypical 'nes..."

Frowning, I pulled my hair over one of my shoulders nervously, looking over. I took the CD from him, sheepishly slipping it into the player.

"...Really...?" I asked, an almost offended look on my face. "...I still like 'em..."

Allistor looked taken aback, raising his hands defensively.

"I... Didn't mean t' offend ye... I jus' though ye..." he shook his head, setting his hands down, turning to buckle himself in.

I smiled a bit, starting the car. He looked down at me as I grinned up at him, blinking once.

"...sorry..." he mumbled, blushing a bit. "I shoul'be more careful with me words..."

My smile faltered; It surprised me that he would apologize for something like that, and I blinked a few times before tilting my head. Knowing Scotland to be a slightly cocky, prideful person, I thought he would've stuck to what he said, and not take it back. I blushed a bit, smiling again.

"'s fine! I just..."

I laughed, leaning forward and pressing the play button, letting "The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage" pump through the speakers. Allistor grinned widely as I sat back, easing the car out of my drive way.

"Alright... Guess we're jus' gonna forge' and listen to Brendon Urie...?"

I blinked, smiling goofily as my jaw opened in surprised, gaze locked to the street. I let out a small, airy laugh.

"I didn't know you were a fan!" I grinned, attention still glued to my driving.

Allistor just laughed, watching out the window with a smirk. I heard him softly humming along to the music.

Concentrated on my driving, I kept my eyes glued to the street, humming along myself, smiling. Lemme ask you something; you know that feeling you get when you, say... Win a spelling bee? Or, when you find a lost pet? If you're into that dark stuff- when someone dies? You get this feeling of "oh-my-god-is-this-really-happening-or-am-I-dreaming?" Well, that's what I'm feeling right now. Having ALLISTOR. IAIN. KIRKLAND. sitting in my car, letting me drive him to the store so I can buy him some underwear. How many times are you gonna do that in your life? I hope you got my reasoning on my this feels like a dream to me. Yay, stupid metaphor time over. Back to the firetruckin' story.

A few songs later, I thought I heard a strange noise- a deep, FUNNY one, so I listened closer.

"...is it still me tha' makes ye sweat...~?"

I snickered, trying to stifle it as I heard him singing. He blushed a bit, turning to me, frowning.

"Wh-What...?"

I bit my lip, stifling a giggle, face dusting with a pale pink.

"N-Nothing..." I snorted, blushing a bit.

"..."

Allistor broke out into hysterics when he heard my snort, leaning against the door of the passengers' seat. He laughed loudly, my face igniting ten times the temperature of, hmm.. Let's say... Lava? No... The sun? Hmm... Maybe, how hot Allistor was?

Haha- NO. I didn't think that, mind you.

I frowned, pouting as I pulled into the parking space of the nearest clothing store. Face deep red, I turned to him, shutting the music off and crossing my arms.

"Y-You..." I started, stammering relentlessly. "... D-Don't laugh at my snort! I-I was trying not to laugh at you...!"

He took his sweet time gathering himself, pulling off the door, face red. He must've found it entirely too hilarious, because it took some time for him to catch his breath. Sighing, I turned the car off, muttering a few German profanities under my breath. (Force of habit, really.)

With the meanest glare I could conjure, I looked over at him.

"Y'done laughing at me?" I grimaced.

Sadly, that only sent him into fresh waves of laughter. I swear I saw tears out of the corners of his eyes. Gee, what's more intriguing... The fact that an android could laugh, or the fact that it could cry?

Allistor stroked his thumb under one of his eyes, flicking a tear away, smiling widely.

"'m sorry, lassie," he grinned. Charmingly. "I jus' thought 'twas cute, 'sall."

"...oh," I mumbled, face heating up, my glare faltering. "...thanks..."

Without another word, I unbuckled, quickly getting out of my car. I brushed off my clothes, looking up as I saw Allistor emerge from the other side, shutting his door roughly.

I frowned, closing mine a mite gentler as he walked around the car to me. Looking up at him (seeing as how he was six-foot-two, and I was five-foot-one), I put my hands on my hips.

"Hey, be a little less rude to my car, would ya?" I sighed, locking it and shoving my keys into my pocket. "This is my BABY."

Allistor merely rolled his eyes, patting my head playfully.

"Whatever, lass," he said. "..."

"...you're short, y'know..."

I groaned, looking up at him, spreading my arms out wide.

"No. Freaking. Crap."

Dropping my arms to my sides, I sighed deeply, looking at the floor. He patted my back, smiling "innocently."

"I's alright, Mary," he replied. "Ye grow with age."

Looking quite pitiful, I pulled myself up, doing my best impression of Bella Swan as I stared up at him.

"Allistor... I'm eighteen," I sighed. "Doctor says this is as tall as I'll EVER ge-"

"YOU'RE EIGHTEEN?"

An expression of ultimate shock flashed over his face, making him look absolutely adorable. His mouth hung open, and his eyes were wide. Allistor's cheeks even had a bit of pink on them. I blushed a bit, poking him in the jaw, sighing.

"You catch more bugs that way, Scottie."

Allistor shut his mouth immediately, blushing a bit still, mumbling lowly.

"...could'a swo'n ye were twel-"

Before he could say ANYTHING else, I walked forward, "tut-tut"ing him loudly.

"You say it- you die!" I chirped, adding a small skip as I went up the curb.

Allistor quickly walked up behind me, one hand in his pocket, eyes still wide. He watched me as I moved to the building, but, then, walked far in front of me again. I sighed as he held the door open, rolling my eyes.

"Always the gentleman..." I scoffed, pulling him in after I walked in.

Looking around, I gestured the silent Scotsman towards a corner of the store.

"There, find a few packs of underwear and maybe some tees and jeans. I'll be at the other end of the store getting some men's toiletries and... Stuff."

He nodded, standing there.

"...alright."

"..."

I stared at him, and, I swear to you, I probably looked like a dead ringer for the "Really?" guy. Y'know... The one from the the rage comics...? Okay. Fine. I'm a geek, I know... Still, when does the narwhal bacon?

"...Uhm..." I hummed, waving him off.

"..O-Oh...!" he nodded, turning around and heading away.

I slapped my palm into my forehead, exhaling harshly.

"ALLISTOR." I said sternly, his attention returned to me. "Other way."

"..."

Nodding again, he pivoted on his heel, heading a different direction.

I sighed, walking away towards the personal care section of the store. Reaching one hand into my pocket, I pulled out my phone.

'Hmm...' I thought. 'I haven't told Goochy yet...!'

Smiling, I scrolled trough my contacts, clicking on Zach's name when I found it.

By the time he answered, I had a shopping basket, and was already at the personal care section.

"Heeeello, my redhaired friend...~" he chirped, the unmistakable sounds of a (quite violent) video game in the background.

I smirked, knowing for sure he was playing the nazi zombies game again. Together, we'd gotten as far as wave ten.

I know, I know. Not impressive. But, it's only because I'm so darned jumpy when it comes to that game... Of course, this is coming from the girl who can go through Amnesia without batting an eyelash. I wasn't too shabby at Left 4 Dead, either.

"Hey, Goochy," I smiled, chuckling a bit. "Guess what?"

"What." he asked, the MOOOOST CUUURIOUS tone in his voice. HE SEEMED OH-SO interested. I bet he was just DYING from not knowing.

I laughed, smirking widely, the euphoria of slight disbelief filling me.

"Okay, so..." I said, reaching for a package of razors. "You know those robots of Hetalia...? They sold them about four years ago...?"

"Uhm..." Zach muttered, still seeming absolutely enthralled in our conversation. "...yeah..."

"I got one."

I tossed some deodorant (one men, one women) into my basket, holding my phone with my shoulder.

"...sure, whatever."

The sound of Zach's rolling eyes could be heard in China. I groaned a bit, recklessly throwing a toothbrush into the basket, along with bandaids.

I just know I'll need them.

"No, really. I got him for my birthday."

"Ha. Really funny, Mary." Zach sighed, a few explosions sounding off of his game. "Who is it then?"

I sighed, turning an aisle.

"Allistor Iain Kirkland, Scotland."

Hesitantly, I put some Axe shampoo into my basket. Although I knew I'd regret that, I did it. Maybe he'd like it, who knows?

Zach scoffed, and I heard his game pause.

"Sure. I believe you."

"Zaaaaach..." I groaned, putting some "matching" conditioner in my basket, moving further down the aisle to find my special Aveda color conserve shampoo.

"I don't believe you, Mary," he said, sighing a bit. "I don't see how you could've gotten one..."

I scoffed, tossing the shampoo and conditioner into my basket.

"Uhm- my parents as sufa-rich."

Sufa, definition;  
A contraction that combines the words "super" and "f***ing." Generally used with either the word "douchey" or "rich."  
Synonym:  
"Hella-"

Zachary sighed again, and I heard some rustling as he sat up, moving his phone.

"...I need some proof."

Smiling widely, I held the phone in my hands, crossing my other arm under the one holding it.

"After he comes back with his needed clothing, okay?"

I laughed a bit, dropping one of my arms and walking to another aisle.

"We're at the store," I explained. "I didn't get him any toiletries yet, and I'm... Y'know. It's that time."

He scoffed, replying with a sarcastic tone.

"Yes, because robots need to shampoo regularly, or they get dandruff."

I scoffed back at him, sticking out my tongue even though I knew e couldn't see.

"Meh. You haven't read up on them like I have."

Zachary laughed a bit, blowing raspberries at me.

"Whatever. Text me a pic or something when you're all done," he chuckled. "And, make sure I tell me if an Asuka Langley android comes out."

Smiling, I replied. "Yes. I'll buy her some tampons while I'm here, too."

"Ch. Byyyeee...~"

"Tschüs~!"

"God, I love Germans..." Zachary cooed, hanging up.

I rolled my eyes as I returned my phone to my pocket. I lifted up a pack of "pads", and softly said: "Mit Flügeln!*" as I turned around.

I gasped when I saw Allistor standing there, a small basket in his hands.

"SWEET PHILOSOPHICAL FEM-JESUS!" I whisper-shouted, fanning my face as I backed up a bit.

Allistor just smirked, holding the basket higher.

"Got all I wanted...~" he chuckled, stepping backwards. "And... Fem-Jesus...?"

I sighed a bit, leaning over and clutching my "heart."

"Don't ask... It's my friend's catch phrase..." I gasped, standing up straight. "...FIRETRUCK, man! You scared me! And, how is it that you can't find your way to underwear, but know EXACTLY where I am?"

He smirked widely, jamming a hand in his pocket, holding his basket in the other.

"Soh-ree...~" he fake-whined. "Ye were talkin'... I heard ye when I was lookin'..."

Putting on a confused expression, he gave another small whine.

"With who, though...?"

I cocked a brow at him, sliding my basket down to rest in the crook of my arm.

"Uhm... With Goochy."

He tilted his head, angling his body in a way that gestured it was time to "walk-and-talk."

I rolled my neck, stretching my back a bit before walking forward. He followed- well... Actually, walked next to me, leaning down to listen.

"Zachary Gooch is my best friend. I've known him since first grade."

Allistor nodded, blinking a bit.

"Ye datin' him?"

I blushed, frowning.

"Uhm, no. Zach's..." I started, but stopped a second. Maybe I shouldn't tell... But, then again, I want to see his opinion on it. After all I'm...

"Zach's homosexual."

"..."

Allistor blinked again, watching down at me.

"..."

"..."

"...Alright," he grinned. "I's his choice. I prefer women, of course."

I smiled a bit, chuckling.

"Glad you think that way..." I grinned, looking up at him. With a small sigh, I turned a. It towards him.

"Just do you know, and so that I can get this out of the way, I'm bisexual. Albeit, I'm very religious, I'm willing to accept I could find love from either gender. 'Kay?"

He nodded hesitantly, at first, but then enthusiastically, grinning widely.

"I see yer pretty open-minded!" he exclaimed. "Tha's always a good trait 'n a person! But, don' worry, I don' mind. I actually think i's kind of smart of ye...~"

I actually blushed at that. It was pretty darn cool of him to think that way... Well... To be programmed that way.. I suppose. Anyways, it showed that the creators really put a lot of consideration in their designs.

He grinned, straightening his posture as he walked up to the register, leaving me behind. I scurried behind him, setting my basket next to his as I took out my wallet.

As I leaned over to look into his basket, it seemed that he got; two packs of underwear, three pairs of decent looking jeans, three tees (one a plain green, one a black tee with a white skull silk-screen design, and a blue one with the words "Don't Trust Me!" written in black.), a pack of black tees, too.

As we set our items down, I handed Allistor my wallet. He looked down at me a bit confused, so I rolled my eyes.

"Get yourself some cigarettes," I explained. "I'm too young to get them for you. Duh."

Allistor blinked a bit, nodding as he told the cashier, who was (no surprise to me) a blushing mess as she retrieved a large pack for him.

For some reason, as they exchanged the very small amount of contact, and a few words, I felt a pang of... Envy? It was just.. That was my android, and she was acting like it was another really cute boy on the street. She looked only sixteen... I was OLDER than her for Pete's sake. I tried not to glare at her, deciding it best to look away. That meant to look at Allistor.

I laughed a bit when I saw his surprised face as he opened my wallet. The total of our items came to about one-hundred dollars, which I had plenty to cover for. When he paid, he handed it back I me, picking up a few bags and tucking a pack of cigarettes in his pocket.

As we left the red-faced cashier, I smirked up at him.

"Come now...~" I teased. "I told you I was rich, didn't I?"

"Not THA' rich," he mumbled, a few shopping bags slung over his shoulders.

I rolled my eyes, reaching down to dig my keys out, but suddenly remembering. Setting my bags on the back of my trunk, I pulled out my phone.

Allistor looked confused for a moment, and sets his bags on the roof of my car.

"What are ye...?" he began, but stopping when I walked next to him, pulling him down by the collar. Switching my phone camera to the front, I smiled widely, snapping a picture.

"Zach wanted proof," I giggled, looking at the picture.

In the picture, my face was slightly pink, and my eyes a bit too wide to look normal. His face however, was ridiculously adorable. His eyes were a bit wide, and his cheeks were dusted over with pink, and his lips pouted slightly. The funniest thing was- I was looking at the camera, and Allistor was looking at me.

I sent the text to Goochy quickly, setting my phone back in my pocket and helping Allistor load up all of our items.

"Alrighty," I exhaled, plopping back into the car. "Now, I bet you saw that I got you some toiletries, too. Shampoo, conditioner, deo, razor, toothbrush- that stuff."

Turning to him, I sighed.

"Now, since you have the extra room, and my parents have their room, we're going to have to share bathrooms."

Allistor smirked a bit, buckling up as I leaned on my arm, which was propped on my seat. He leave against his seat, body turned toward mine.

"So, make sure your clothes are put in the hamper, your razor is hung on one of the prop...thingies, and that you don't..."

I rotated my wrist, twirling it as I thought.

"...screw anything up... Yeah."

Allistor nodded, turning away as I did.

"Yes, ma'am," he chuckled, leaning back. "Now, can we go home...? 'm actually kinda hungry."

I nodded, buckling myself up and starting my car.

"Well..." I said, maneuvering my car out of the parking lot. "...We could go get something if you want..."

Allistor looked a bit perkier, and he looked at me with a smile.

"Do ye think..." he grinned. "Tha' we could go ge' ice cream...?"

I laughed a bit, pulling into traffic as I left the store behind, already mapping a route to the nearest ice cream place.

"Of course," I replied, trying to keep upmost attention to the road. "I love ice cream...~"

Allistor grinned stupidly, watching it the window as I drove on.

"I love it, too...~" he agreed, propping his head on one hand and gazing at traffic.

I drove on, eyes scanning over various signs to find anything that sounded relative to ice cream, or any other frozen dairy treat. Finally finding one, I pulled into it, smiling.

"Hey," I turned to him, laughing a bit. "Found a place."

He grinned, unbuckling as I turned the car off again. I unbuckled, following him out of the car, humming "Mixtape" from Avenue Q.

I pulled my phone out after we approached it, letting Allistor sort out his order before I did. Goochy had apparently texted back, and it read;

"...oh, my f***ing gosh."

I laughed, quickly texting him a reply.

"I told you! Isn't it just... Amazing?"

I returned my phone to my pocket, looking up to see Allistor watching down at me. I blushed slightly, moving to order, stuttering a bit.

After our orders were sorted out, and we payed, Allistor and I took our ice cream to an outside bench. He had a chocolate cone with chocolate chunks, while I had a soft-serve vanilla.

I laughed a bit, setting my phone on the bench and turning it towards him. I licked my cone slowly, showing him Zach's reply.

Allistor laughed between licks, wiping at a bit of chocolate that stuck on his top lip.

"Aye, he didn' expect tha', hmm...?"

I blushed a bit, watching up at him a while before nodding quickly, turning back to my ice cream.

"...n-no...!" I answered, thoughts still racing back to scan the way he licked his cone AND wiped the bit off of his lip.

Oh, dear Lord, I was a fangirl. But, do you expect me to be normal when a very attractive that I've thought of the most the last three years. Yeah, Scotland would have to be the character I've obsessed over the most.. Well, I wouldn't say "obsessed." Maybe addicted? Whatever...

"And, 's quite nice of ye to say 's amazing...~"

That just made my blush heat up more. I swear, I was stammering so much, people started staring. I could feel their judging eyes...

He blinked a bit, looking at me as he took another lick.

"Ye alright, lassie...?" he asked, tilting his head.

I just continued to eat my ice cream, using my favorite awkward-suppressant face. Because no one wants to have a conversation with Bella Swan.

"Yeah..." I mumbled, pretty sure my face was still deep red. "I'm fine."

It must've worked, because me and Allistor continued to eat in silence for a bit longer. Until he coughed a bit, I hadn't glanced up from my hands yet.

"Ahem..." he coughed, looking over to me. "...y'know.. The only thin' I love more than ice cream is cats."

I laughed a bit, smirking up at him.

"I've got a cat," I said, surprising him a bit. "He's white with a black mask and tail. There's also a small black spot on his back."

Allistor grinned, finishing up his ice cream.

"That' sounds sae cute...!" he said, hand in front of his mouth to make sure he didn't get anything on me.

I laughed as he swallowed, taking a napkin to wipe his mouth and hand off. He blinked a bit, tilting his head again.

"Wha's with yer laughin'...?"

I exhaled, a small laugh in my sigh.

"Nothing," I said, smiling. "Just... You sounded funny when you covered your mouth like that."

I smiled, finishing my ice cream and wiling myself off similarly, a huge grin on my face. I stood up, sliding my legs out from under the bench.

"Alright, come on," I urged him. "Come home, and I'll make some real food for you."

He smirked a bit, standing beside me.

"Race ye to the car~~!"

Before I could even run, he was almost there. I sighed, rolling my eyes as I dug my keys out again.

"Really, Allistor...?" I chuckled.

"Reeeaaally..."

((X"D I know, I know. It was shorter. But, it's only because the next chapter is gonna be super long. I couldn't find a way to split it somehow, and a lot is gotta be learned over the next few chapters. Yeah, there'll also be a lot of "Mary's Stupid Metaphor Tyme."  
Yup.

Okay! Thank you guys so much for reading! I'm not gonna ask for reviews, or subscriptions, but I would just like to thank you for reading. c: I hope you stick along for the ride.

Mary: Oh, God, it gets worse, too... I apparently get to have PMS sometime soon...

Scotland: *wink* I know she ain't gonna ask ye for nae review or nae subscriptions, but... *sexy cigarette puff, smirk* Could ye...~~?

Me: STOP SEDUCING MY READERS, GAMMIT... SEDUCE MARY.

Mary: I BEG YOUR PARDON?

Scotland: *shrugs* Alright... *slings arms around Mary*

Mary: ...FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUU-

Me: ... Oh, God, I ramble. ;;-;;

))


End file.
